When Simple Questions Require Simple Answers...
...But You Get an Essay Instead!
In any close-knit family or work team, clear communication is the bedrock of understanding. Often, you may know precisely how you want information shared—straight to the point, free of needless detail, especially when decisions must be made. Yet, amid caring and well-intentioned relatives and colleagues, it can be easy for someone to bring pages upon pages of background, tangents, and caveats. Although this might stem from thoroughness, it can also create frustration on both sides, because the intended audience only needs a concise summary or specifics.
The first step to addressing this situation is shifting the focus from what the other person might be doing wrong to clarifying exactly what you need. Instead of critiquing every unnecessary detail, express your desire for brevity and clarity, drawing attention to why a shorter presentation is beneficial. Suppose you invite a relative to contribute facts or recommendations for the family’s next big decision. If their lengthy approach overwhelms you, invite them to focus on the essential points. You might reassure them by explaining that you value their thoroughness but don’t require every line of research. Sometimes, providing an example of what you need—perhaps a trimmed-down version of all that they have found out—shows them how much more manageable the information can be when condensed.
Yet even a respectful tone can feel daunting if you anticipate a sensitive reaction. Still, there’s truth in the idea that straightforward conversations, once undertaken, rarely prove as painful as the worry that precedes them. If you speak calmly, showing you appreciate their work but need something more workable, you often find that mutual respect paves the way for a positive resolution.
On the other side of this dynamic is the family member who pours such effort into these exhaustive contributions. They, too, should pause and reflect on whether this approach might stem from past habits—perhaps from school or a different setting where thoroughness was always encouraged—or a fear of being wrong. If they can recognize that a new environment (in this case, the family dynamic) calls for a different style, it can open the door to flexible thinking. After all, if you’re not compromising your own integrity and can still share what truly matters, scaling back on verbiage can be not only more helpful to others, but less draining for you.
Ultimately, the aim is to nurture a family space where contributions are both valued and easy to manage. Instead of frustration or discouragement, concise communication fosters trust and a deeper understanding of everyone’s roles and needs. By focusing on what you need, modeling the desired outcome, and adapting to the circumstances, you forge a clear, respectful path that benefits the entire family.